I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
