we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i think my cat just said my name.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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