oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
