Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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