The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
