I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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