Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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