I'm drive I can fine osifer
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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