I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
