A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
