every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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