Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize