i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
