listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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