I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
