do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize