Fine. I'll sleep in my office
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
