And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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