I love black thongs
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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