i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
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