wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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