Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
