Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
