I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
