I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I pour the whiskey from now on
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
