I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize