mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
