Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
