direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
