ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
