It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize