3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
