Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
