I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
