i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
should my penis look like a turkey
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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