I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
