how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
