dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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