I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
