dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
is wine microwaveable?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
