After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Come share oat with me in your robe
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i believe in u and ur pee
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize