Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
