remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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