just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
