She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize