We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
