You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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