If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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