Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My room smells like vodka and shame
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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