If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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