i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
