1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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