I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
