I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
