Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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