he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
