I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize