every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
