You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
