Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
