hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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