there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
