I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
