My cat gives me a boner
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
