Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
