Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
it hurts more in the daytime
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
