so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
