so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
