Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
