Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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