i permit you to call me
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
