dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
