When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
