Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
3 2 1 whiskey
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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