I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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